


The Bad Bedfellows Company (AKA How Sherlock Holmes Found Love)

by elltern



Category: Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Enemies, Implied Relationships, Letters, M/M, Matchmaking, Not Canon Compliant, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26409115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elltern/pseuds/elltern
Summary: Long before the events of canon, Prof. James Moriarty inadvertently starts a matchmaking group to find Mr. Sherlock Holmes a partner.
Relationships: Sebastian Moran/James Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	The Bad Bedfellows Company (AKA How Sherlock Holmes Found Love)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a response to a daily prompt about "secret society meetings." It's very loose on canon in some cases, but the occasional minor villain from the short stories will appear here or there. It also rests on the (probably false) assumption that Holmes had already gained some notoriety before the events of A Study in Scarlet, so make of that what you will.

_(The following letters were found in various secret codes, and translated years later after historic advances in cryptology.)_

Dear Professor Moriarty,

I must thank you graciously for the tea the other day; there are very few people who would ever have the pleasure of tasting a fine Chinese delicacy, and with such a profound figure like yourself as company, no less. I digress, of course--I had considered your offer from that day, and I will say that, though the potential of participating in the budding Sussex crime syndicate is intriguing, I feel my place lies somewhere else. However, I am certain you believe the Musgrave fortune to be essential to your plans, so I would like to ask for a small favor in exchange for further consideration.

You see, I have an old friend who goes by the name of Sherlock Holmes. Years ago, he recovered the crown of King Charles the First through a completely unrelated mystery I had sent him on. I keep the crown to this day, and it serves as a reminder of the impression this man left on me. I adored him, quite frankly, and I found it such a shame that I was not a woman, nor inclined to revisit the Ancient Greek traditions (as the saying goes). I chanced on a conversation with him the other day, and I found out that he remains a bachelor, living a lonely existence in London. He has always been the solitary type, and I'm not one to meddle in affairs, but it was very clear to me that the man was in a state of decay. He told me he needed more cases, more fuel for his detective work. As for myself, I believe what he truly needs is a companion.

I understand that this may be a lowly venture, but to me, the welfare and happiness of this man is more precious than any crown jewel. If you manage to find a suitable partner for him, I and my fortune will forever be in your debt--and, more importantly, your control.

Sincerely,  
Reginald Musgrave.

...

Musgrave,

Your proposition is bold, considering our "tea-time" included a revolver aimed at your head, but I respect your courage and have humoured your request. The detective has been a topic of interest for myself, in any case, and I was in the process of studying him regardless.

I see nothing admirable in your friend--specifically, nothing a woman would value. He is not a handsome man, nor is he romantic in the slightest. He plays the violin, but he is not very good, and there is a reason why his Stradivarius was pawned at such a cheap price--though I doubt he would believe me if I told him. He is a remarkable actor, but he's too single-minded to ever use that for anyone else's favour. As for his career, are you aware he whips bodies in the morgue to study bruising? The man is nonsensical. Any physician worth his salt would know that blood is vital in bruising patterns, thus rendering studies on embalmed or otherwise frozen carcasses meaningless.

In other words, you can be sure that Mr. Holmes will never find a wife, and I don't see why he should. Bachelorhood suits him best. 

You will meet with one of my enforcers soon. I had hoped that you would have more sense than to refuse me, but since you do not, I suppose it cannot be helped. I await your reply or your name in the obituaries, whichever comes first.

Signed,  
Moriarty. 

...

James,

Talked to Musgrave. Was going to finish it--then saw Holmes.

A sorry man. Needs help. Please reconsider Musgrave's offer. Will talk more later.

-Your Colonel.

P.S You & him are alike.

...

Dear Anonymous Bastard,

I see no reason why you would blackmail me with indecency, as I have never felt shame for my own carnal vices. If my reputation did anything to sway the hearts of women, my red book would never be as full as it is today. In any other circumstance you would not be reading this letter and I would have your head, but your demand was so alluring, I had no choice but to assume that you greatly mischaracterized me--for if you took my nature to heart, you would know I need no incentive to serve Aphrodite in her more risque ventures.

You are right in that Sherlock Holmes would never be able to find a wife, but I know better than anyone else that constraints such as societal norm would not restrain a man of his breed. Find him a man, a good one, of decent upbringing and militant background. Someone birthed from order and in desperate need of adventure. May he be the anchor to the detective's sails. I doubt you'll ever get them to consummate their relationship, but their devotion to each other will be clear as day.

Sincerely,  
Adelbert Gruner.

P.S. Do let me know of the development. I'm always eager to hear of love and loss, and I'm sure I'll be able to use the information in some sort of scandal, when or if the detective ever threatens my status.

_(Translator Note: It has been confirmed that this is the same Adelbert Gruner referred to in Watson's account of "The Illustrious Client." No other correspondence between him and Moriarty was ever found.)_

...

My loyal Colonel,

I am begrudged to admit that your advice bore fruit, and that Gruner gave me solid answers. Gruner remains as detestable as always, and I am grateful to have never revealed myself to him, though I may need to consider it if we are to expand towards Europe. 

Regardless. You will find the contents of the letter written in morse (I know you prefer it over this cypher). I leave it to you to look for a suitable candidate, as you will have more readily available information regarding military bachelors than myself.

I hope that this is the last correspondence we'll have on this topic. I'm beginning to suspect that you have formed a company of bad bedfellows with Musgrave, and for better or worse, I have been sucked into it. 

I will meet you in a fortnight to discuss our findings. We can speak of it over lunch and cards at home.

Yours,  
James.

...

Dear Brother,

I hear you've occupied yourself with something other than malice and mathematics! I am eternally grateful for Colonel Moran's influence on you, your disposition has certainly improved since you'd been ousted from the university.

Anyhow, Sherlock Holmes has been growing in prominence around these parts, though he isn't quite to the level where he would be a threat. I find this hunting party you've formed to find the detective a companion endlessly amusing, and have taken it upon myself to be a part of it. You can thank me later, I already have a line of candidates in mind and am sending it to Moran as we speak.

Signed,  
Jimmy.

_(Translator Note: It is uncertain whether the author of this letter is the younger brother [a station master] or the older brother [a colonel] of Prof. Moriarty. All three Moriarty brothers are named James.)_

...

My loyal, but vexing Colonel,

We are not holding a gentleman's fencing competition on who gets to be Sherlock Holmes's lifelong companion. That is final. This was supposed to be a secret hunt.

When I mentioned forming a company of bad bedfellows, I did not mean it in any literal sense.

Sleep in your own house tonight. I am not in the mood to see or argue with you.

Do not bring anyone else into this matter.

Yours still,  
James.

...

Good Professor,

I am aware of your interest in my brother's romantic (whether platonic or otherwise) life. Meet me in front of the Diogenes Club on Monday, before 8 PM. 

Sincerely,  
Mycroft Holmes.

P.S. You need not worry about the government's suspicion of your activities. They are entirely in the dark, and I am perfectly content with your existence so long as you do not threaten the crown.

...

James,

Didn't know about the other Holmes. Please let me back in the house. Left your favourite gin on the porch.

-Your loyal Colonel.

...

Dear Professor Moriarty,

I happened upon Colonel Moran, playing his bagpipe very mournfully on your door. I assume, then, that that means your search for Mr. Holmes's life partner has gotten out of hand.

A woman like me has no interest in these manners, but a friend of a friend of Moran recommended me as a candidate to free Mr. Holmes of his bachelorhood, which was entertaining. I have been welcoming myself to the news of your search ever since.

I am happily betrothed, but I'd like to propose a name. You see, my friend Stamford (who is also familiar with Mr. Holmes) had been talking of an old colleague of his who's returning from service as a doctor in Afghanistan. He is nice, handsome, a bit of a Don Juan, but chiefly very plain. I'm sure you have had multiple candidates of similar description, but I urge you to look into him. His history intrigued me, and I have a feeling it would bring the same curiosity in our dear detective. His name is Dr. John Watson.

Signed,  
Irene Adler.

...

Dear Professor Moriarty,

Your work astounds me--you may have actually done it after all. I chanced upon Holmes' name in the Strand (a story from his dear doctor,) and sent a correspondence to him. He sent one back, gushing over his "beloved Boswell." The machine of a man is entirely entranced. He's even started going to the opera for the doctor's sake!

As promised, I will commit to your endeavours and swear fealty to you. My family's name is now in your hands.

Thank you for everything you've done.

Sincerely,  
Reginald Musgrave.

P.S.  
We should hold a clandestine meeting to devise a plan to keep them together. Holmes has always been a fickle soul despite his focused mind, and I'd much prefer he remain by Watson's side than stray back to the needle.

...

My loyal Colonel,

I have plans for our expansion in Europe, so I will not attend the meeting with Musgrave, Adler, the older Holmes and the like. Please go to Hurlstone Manor on the third of February to come in my place--Musgrave plays blackjack with the royal family, Adler has a poker face that could fool even me, and the older Holmes speaks for himself. They will provide you with ample entertainment.

~~Yours,~~

I have... read Watson's stories. They're all sensationalist trash, but if even an inkling of them is to be believed, you'd still be wrong. Holmes and I are nothing alike. He is a good man who has the world at his fingertips, and I am a wicked fellow lugging the weight of my sins on one shoulder. Although, Watson does remind me of you.

Come back home soon. 

Yours,  
James.

P.S.  
Please never play the bagpipes again.


End file.
